F*** Paul Anderson

Paul 'Franchise Killer' Anderson - the director of such immortal movies as 'Mortal Kombat (26%)', 'Soldier (2%)', and 'Event Horizon (24%)' - has gone too far. First, he rapes the coolness of the Resident Evil series with his f'ing horrid adaptation of the saga. And yes, 'Resident Evil' was terrible, the only people who liked the movie never played the games and ride the short bus to school. Anyway, if killing one cool franchise wasn't enough, the douche decides to meddle with an even greater one. Two, greater ones in fact. Aliens and Predators. What the smack is wrong with this man. He claims to be a fan of the series, yet gets NOTHING right at all...its beyond comprehension how awful this film is. Slow, poorly coreographed fight scenes, underwhelming Predators and Aliens, and worst of all, a PG-13 rating slapped on R rated sagas. I'm too pissed to even write about this anymore. At least I'll sleep well knowing that there is a specific layer in hell for people like this.

Mecha Celebs

In the TV series 'Futurama', the heads of famous people are kept alive in head jars. Which honestly, must suck major domo. Why not just give them robot bodies? It would be much more humorous, and easier for the heads to live by. I've already got started on a few examples:







I rule.

28 Days Later

I recently saw this movie at Warren's house, under the impression that it was the "...scariest movie since the exorcist!!!1!1" What I got wasn't even scary, just a bumbling and crappy movie about zombies and some bulls*** on humanity.

The initial bad choice Mr Boyle (our esteemed director) makes in the film, is to place a plethora of nude shot of the lead male character in the film. Normally this wouldn't bother me so much, but when the man being filmed has the build like Screech from 'Saved by the Bell', and there are no attractive females to counter the effect...you start to cough and lust for the next scene. Anyway...

The first thing the main character - Jim or Jake or sumthin - wonders in the movie is, "Where did everyone go?" Well, by the end of the movie, even I don't know. You see, in the duration of the entire film, the most zombies you ever see on screen is...oh...twenty. Twenty. The entire island of Great Britain was taken over by no more than twenty zombies. So where did everyone - both human and zombie - go!? In most zombie movies this may make some sense, maybe the zombies ate the brits, maybe a lot of folks commited suicide, etc. But not here. You see, the zombies dont eat people. No, that's too cliche says Danny Boyle. No, Danny wants his zombies to be the most feared zombies in all cinema. What his feral, evil, heartless, undead, rage filled zombies do...is slap people. THE ZOMBIES SLAP PEOPLE TO DEATH. How bloody horrific! This Boyle guy has really outdone himself here. Oh, the zombies may vomit on people occasionally, because it appears when zombies get really excited by slapping people...they vomit. Understandable. It happens to me.

In the end, the zombies - all twenty of them - starve or sumthing, it really doesn't matter. Anyway, don't bother renting this terrible, doofus movie. If you have to see a zombie flick, go rent the new 'Dawn of the Dead'. That is a kick ass zombie movie. With many zombies.

>__<

Sure are a lot of these 'blogs' popping up everywhere. Much like the iPod, everyone's gotta have one.

First order of business, exams. Be a sonofawhore if they aren't the worst...actually they aren't too bad. Most regular teachers don't go into major specifics, so I can get away with, oh, 10 minutes of study time. History is tomorrow, I should pwn that. World War II and World War I are easy as Heidi Fleiss.

Now, 'study' time. Ciao.